My uncle Oswald door Roald Dahl

Title: My uncle Oswald
Author: Roald Dahl
Published by: Penguin Books

A1: interview
The main character in the book is Oswald Cornelius. I interviewed him about the events in his life.

Tell us about your time at school.
I studied natural sciences at Trinity College in Cambridge. I finished my studies when I was 17 years old, so I was a smart pupil. I have a horror of uneducated people.

What did you do after your time at Trinity College?
I had to wait a year before I could go on with my studies because I had to be 18 years old. So my father decided that I should fill in the time by going to France to learn the language. The evening before I left I gave a party because I shouldn't see my friends the following year. At this party we got a visitor: Major Grout. My parents were not at home so I invited him to join us. He told us a strange story. On a place in Sudan, Khartoum, lives the Blister Beetle. When you just eat a very little amount of the Blister Beetle powder (you pour the powder over the head of a pin and what stays on the pinhead is a dose) your "member" will be stiff after 9 minutes. If there's someone else in the room you won't have yourself under control and you will have sex with that person.

Well that's an exciting story. The next day you had to leave. Did you have a good time in France?
Immediately after I arrived I went to Sudan and I bought 5 pounds of the powder. I went back to France where I bought some things to roll pills. I made a lot of pills of the Beetle powder, then I had to sell them. My father knew an ambassador, Mr Makepiece, in Paris so I went to visite him. I was lucky, the next day Mr Makepiece gave a grand dinner party and he invited me. On that party I met several ambassadors and I told them about the Beetle. They were all interested in the pills. The following months I sold a lot of Beetle pills at a high price. So I returned after a year with a lot of money to England. So yes I had a very good time in France.

I guess you picked up your studies again in England?
yes, I did. My chemistry tutor at Cambridge was called Arthur Woresley and we became friends. One day, 4 years later after the Great War, I told him my story about the Beetle and he told me his secret. He found a way to freeze sperm so you can use it later. I started to think about his secret and about mine, and I got a brilliant idea to became rich in the following years.

Well you have made me curious. Tell me about that brilliant idea.
Immediately after I got that idea I went looking for Yasmin Howcomely, a very pretty biology student. I told her and Arthur about my plan. They were both enthusiastic, so we started to make a list of all the geniuses of the world and all the kings. Yasmin and I went to all these people. I'll tell you the procedure. Yasmin went inside alone and offered the man a chocolate with one dose of Beetle powder in it. She talked with the man the following 9 minutes and than he attacked her and they had sex. Yasmin caught the sperm in a condom. Once this happened she left the house and jumped into my car. We drove to our hotel where I froze the sperm.

What about your studies? You told me earlier in this conversation that you have a horror of uneducated people.
I stopped my studies after I had heard Arthurs secret. It's always been my dream to became rich in a short time so I couldn't wait with my plan until my education was finished.

All right, back to the plan. Did you and Yasmin succeed by every man?
I'm not going to tell you the details but there were just a few men where it didn't work. I'll give you an example: by King Haakon of Norway Yasmin had eaten the chocolate with the powder in it so that day it was a disaster.

How did you and Yasmin come in by all those famous people?
I wrote a letter to the kings. I wrote that Yasmin was the secret girlfriend of our king. So the kings were very curious to see her. By the other famous people we just went to their house and Yasmin told them that she wanted to speak the genius about an important case or that she was just a big fan. I told you that she is a very pretty girl so all the men let her in.

I see. Did you start to sell the sperm immediately after you and Yasmin had done all the men?
That's a painful case. We (Yasmin, Arthur and me) took first a break of a month. When I came back I noticed that Yasmin and Arthur had disappeared with all the sperm. They only left the sperm of Marcel Proust, because Yasmin didn't like him. I was very angry when I read that.

So you didn't became rich?
Of course I did. Again I got an idea. I went back to Khartoum an bought the place where the Blister Beetle lives. I started again to roll pills and I had the monopoly to sell them. When I was 40 years old I sold my monopoly but I still got a percentage for the rest of my life.

Last question. I heard that you made pleasure with the girls in your life. Is that right?
That's a statement. I've been all over the world to visit all those men so the girls in those countries weren't safe for me.