Kiss kiss door Roald Dahl

1)Summary

The Landlady
A seventeen year old guy, Billy Weaver went to Bath.
When he got there, he started looking for a place to sleep, a passer-by advised him to go to ‘The Bell and Dragon’. On his way he noticed a house with the words ‘ Bed and Breakfast’ written on the window. He pressed the bell and an extremely friendly lady opened the door.
When she told him the price a night, he immediately wanted to stay, it was very cheap.Billy wanted to go to bed , but the Landlady forced him to drink a cup of tea with her and write something in the guestbook.While writing in the guestbook, he spotted two names that sounded familiar to him, Mr Mulholland and Mr Temple.He knew for sure that he had seen those names in a newspaper a couple of weeks before.Billy asked her when those two men had left and she told him that they never left, they still stayed at the third floor.Later he asked her how many guests had come after him.She told him that he was the only guest since then…..

William and Mary
William and Mary did not have a very good relationship, Mary had to do everything William said.
When her husband died she went to the solicitor to collect her husband’s will .
The solicitor gave her a letter from William.At first , she didn’t want to read it because she expected it to be a formal letter. But later she read it because she thought it might be a love letter. After she had opened the letter she found out it was a letter about his death.
It explained the whole plan in detail :his friend Glandy wanted to perform an operation on him after he had passed away.He wanted to keep his brains and one eye alive after the rest of his body had died.After long consideration, he allowed Glandy to do the operation on him.
William wrote to Mary that she had to come visit him in hospital.She called Glandy and a half hour later she stood in front of the brains and the eye.She was very excited about, she enjoyed the fact that he was so helpless.
She smoked a sigaret, a thing he had always hated, and blew the smoke into his eye.
She really liked him again, because he was so helpless,she loved to take William back home.

The way up to heaven
Mrs Foster had one big fear; coming late.
One day she went to Paris by plane and when she arrived at the airport she noticed that her flight was delayed.She decided to go back home for a while.
The next day she called a taxi to take her to the airport but within a few minutes , her husband said he had forgotten something at home.He went looking for it while Mrs Foster was waiting in the car.Later she found the present between the seats.She went into the house to call Mr Foster and she heard music.At that moment she decided to leave without him.
When she returned from Paris two weeks later, she noticed that the elevator was broken.
She called a mechanic and told him that the elevator didn’t work between the second and third floor…

Parson’s pleasure
Mr Parson ran an antiqueshop.He had a big secret, for achieving his goods he went through the countryside.He bought the furniture at a bargain price and sold it for much money.
One day he saw a very rare commode, it was going to be his biggest catch ever, but he could
not take the commode with him unless he told the owner a lie.
He told him he needed the legs to repair his table. Now he could get the table at a cheap price.When he went outside to get his car, the seller thought that the thing would not fit into his car so they cut the whole commode except for the legs into firewood, because they thought he only needed the legs…

Mrs Bixby and the Colonel’s coat
Every month Mrs Bixby told her husband she visited her old aunt, but in fact she went to her secret lover, the Colonel. Once, her lover gave her a Christmas present, a beautiful mink coat.She could not tell her husband that someone had given it to her so she pawned it.
She told her husband she had found a ticket on the street, she wanted her husband to pick it up.
Mrs Bixby expected her husband to give her the coat but instead she got a necklace
After he had given her the necklace she saw his assisttent wearing a mink coat….

Royal Jelly
Albert and Mabel Taylor were the parents of a child who didn’t want to eat or drink.
Albert, who was very interested in bees ,fed the child with royal jelly, a substance which the queen bee produces during her life.The baby really liked it and kept on drinking it.
After a few days Mabel noticed that the belly of her child was covered with light yellow hair.

George Porgy
George Porgy got one big fear: women!
One day, his mother showed him the birth of some rabbits when the mother rabbit suddenly ate one of the babies.His mother began to scream and opened her mouth wider and wider .
He started running because he was afraid of his mother’s mouth.
She followed him and got hit by a car.
On a day he went to a group of female friends, who gave him an alcoholic drink ,so he got drunk.A few hours later he went outside with a woman he really liked but at the moment they started kissing he saw her mouth becoming bigger and bigger and he thought he was being swallowed.
At the end of the story he thought he lived in the stomach of the woman

Genesis and the catastrophe
Klara Hitler gave birth to a baby.She already lost three babies so she was scared of losing this one too.The doctor told her that the child was very healthy but a bit small, so she didn’t have to worry.Her husband didn’t seem to care about her on the child.
When he saw the baby in the craddle he said that he was even smaller than the others.
His wife started screaming and said :”Please, let this one live, I prayed for months and months that he will live.”

Edward The Conqueror
One day Louisa found a cat in her garden while her husband was working there.
She took the cat inside to feed it.When she started playing a piece of Frans Liszt on the piano, the cat seemed really interested.When she played something from Bach or Chopin the cat did not give any reaction.Because of that Louisa thought that the cat was a reincarnation of Liszt.Edward, her husband got jealous because the cat got all the attention of his wife so he threw the cat in the fire while Louisa was preparing dinner

Pig
When little Lexintongs parents died, nobody wanted to take care of him, so he was sent to his aunt.His old aunt was a very strict vegetarian and she made a great vegetarian cook of him.
His big dream was writing a cookerybook so he started writing it at the age of 17.
When his aunt died he travelled to the big city where he ate something he had never tasted in his entire life.He really wanted to know what it was, so he called the cook who referred him to the slaughterhouse.It was meat !
In the slaughterhouse a man showed him how they hang up pigs., Suddenly Lexington was also hanging there.He started screaming for help,he was helped by a guy who cut his jugular vein with his knife..He died slowly just like the pigs

The champion of the world
Claude was a poacher who worked at a filling station.He really liked to catch pheasants at Victor Hazel’s land.Suddenly his friend got an idea; pheasants really liked raisins so they put a tranquillizer in the raisins and gave them to the pheasants.
It worked, dozens of pheasants were sleeping on the ground, now it was easy to take them home.They had a brilliant plan for transporting them, a woman had to drive a baby carriage and put the pheasants in it.While they were waiting for the woman, they suddenly saw her screaming!All the pheasants were flying over the filling station…

2)Main characters

I was not able to answer this question because my book contained several stories.

3)Quotations

- Before you go to bed, would you be so kind enough to pop into the sitting-room on the ground floor and sign the book?Everyone has to do that because it ‘s the law of the land, and we don’t want to go breaking any laws at this stage of the proceedings, do we ?’ ( page 13)
- ’Stop’ he cried.’Hold everything! My leg is caught!’
But nobody seemed to hear him,and five seconds later, the unhappy young man was jerked of the floor and hoisted vertically upward through the open roof of the pun, dangling upside down by one ankle, and wriggling like a fish. ( page 202)

4)New vocabulary

- undulous= golvend
- to protract=verlengen
- lecherous=wellustig
- fatuous=sullig; idioot
- a nostril= neusgat
- to swaddle=inpakken
- shambles=slachthuis
- to prance=arrogant aanstellen
- prodigal=kwistig
- vigour=gezondheid